When caught off guard, most of us "react" to what is being said to us. Take off your boxing gloves; assertive communicators don't react, they respond appropriately. When you activate your editor, you guarantee you won't say something that you'll regret later.
E valuate
D ecide
I nquire
T hink
O bserve
R espond
Evaluate--the environment and level of emotion you and the other person are feeling.
Decide--if it is the appropriate time and place to handle the situation.
Inquire--ask a "what" question; never a "why" question. "What makes you say that?" not "Why did you say that?" Why questions put us on the defensive; what questions make us think about facts.
Think--try to stay focused on facts to help resolve the situation. The first thing that comes to mind might not be the best thing to say.
Observe--the body language and response of the other person.
Respond--by time you've done all of the above, you've given yourself the chance to say the right thing.
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